I just want people to understand

Submitted story

Editor’s note — The following was submitted by Fairfield High School sophomore Benjamin Eltman:

So I know you don’t know who I am, or even care what I have to say, but I need to say it. Things haven’t been going well, and since you don’t know me here is some back story.

I suffer from a little thing called depression. Well, actually it’s not little, but to an outsider looking it I guess it might seem… sorry I’m rambling. Anyway, that’s one problem I have and it’s caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The other is mild OCD, but that doesn’t matter right now. I’ve had it for a while now and it gets better now and then because I take medicine for it, although I do have some lows.

Now, let’s get to the point. Well, this is kind of hard to talk about. Here goes. Sometimes I hate everything, everyone, even myself. So one of the things that goes through my head on a daily basis is my future. As I think about it longer and longer, the sadder I get. This might sound strange to some because they never see the bad, but me, I think of the worst possible outcome. Spending my life alone, whether I will even be alive, those are the things that go through my head.

People will say this is probably very unhealthy and I agree. “So why not just stop,” you might ask. Well, it isn’t that simple. Having depression makes you tend to dwell on these things. Though I don’t know exactly why or how the chemical imbalance works, I know this is true and that the imbalance is there. Even things like music can cause problems with my mood and cause me to get extremely sad.

When small things in people’s lives go wrong it’s mildly infuriating. Me… oh me… That is definitely not what happens. Snall things you see going wrong actually become 10-fold for me. Now, I can’t say this for all people, but I never tell anyone about my problems. So this can cause even more conflict.

Sometimes it feels things will never get any better. I know it does now, but I used to always lose hope.

In the end people need to be more understanding about mental illness and people with mental illness need to know there is help. Even when everything goes wrong, it will get better.

I wrote this article to spread awareness about mental illness. I’ve seen too many people lose their life because people had failed to see the signs.

I just want people to understand.

Submitted story